We don’t get to hear stories of this nature very often. What tends to be propagated are stories about men and woman who have fallen from pedestals on which we have placed them. At times there has been so much brokenness on display in the Christian subculture, it can be easy to lose hope in the power of Christ to help anyone finish well in this life.
Larry Crabb, Christ in Larry, finished so well. He lived a life full to the very end. I am so thankful to have witnessed a genuine intimate relationship with the Lord. He exuded the joy and peace of the Lord which in turn drew you in and made you want to know more about the God he served.
As I have been grieving the loss of this great man and teacher, I have been compiling the gems he has given me through his books and teachings. I hope to say more in the future about how Larry’s teachings have changed the way I read scripture and engage in relationships. But here I want to share a few things of a more personal nature. If you need me to expound on any of them further to get the take away please just ask. They are so valuable to me, I long to share them with others. Here is my feeble attempt to share them with you.
1. In times of discomfort, frustration, heartache, and even joy the question Larry has taught me to ask is, ‘Am I living for the blessings in this life (comfort/to make life work) or am I living for the blessing of God’s presence?’ This question haunts me and sets me free. It brings about great conviction and reminds me what this life is all about. So rich, right?! This teaching, which is the backdrop for all these gems, has changed my life.
2. In a devotion on the 7 churches in Revelation I want to hold on to what Larry said about the church at Philadelphia. It was one of those moments where you feel like you are being directly spoken to in a room full of people. Even as I write this today tears are steaming down my face remembering how close the spirit was, and because this truth is still needed in the depths of my soul.
In Revelation 3 the church of Philadelphia is told that a door has been opened that no one can shut. Larry talks about the door leading to the dance of the Trinity. We are invited into this holy event. We are invited to join the perfect dance of love, and into a depth of being seen and known that the Father, Son and Holy Spirit have been enjoying for eternity. And they are inviting me, they are inviting you to join them. The dignity and honor we are offered is overwhelming. In this passage it says that no one can close the door. I had to follow up with a question that is driven by my greatest fear… ‘Can I close the door?’ Larry so lovingly replied, ‘No, you aren’t that powerful.’
The dignity Larry bestowed upon me in helping me see and believe that I am invited to join the divine dance of the Holy Trinity and the freedom he offered that I can’t screw it up, have been life changing. It has led to a paradigm shift when reading scripture, loving my friends and family, and discipling others. This life really is all about His Presence and learning some dance moves here on Earth that are just preparing us for the Trinitarian Party we will join for eternity, the one Larry is enjoying now!
3. In this same letter to Philadelphia, the Lord encourages ‘her’, the church, that He is making her into a pillar of the temple of God. This image captured me. I was sitting in Larry’s School of Spiritual Direction 3 months into our move to Florida having no idea what was around the corner for me. Now I sit here 6 months later with a little more direction but the Lord has kindly built my faith in this realm. Larry taught me to place my confidence and hope in the Spirit’s promise to make me pillar. God is making me into the woman I was designed to be, and I am not always going to feel this happening. This is practical application of living by faith and not by sight. Help me Lord to rest and have confidence that you are always at work making me more like you.
4. My core fear as a female, Larry says, is invisibility. Naming this fear has brought me much clarity from my past and is helping me understand conflicts that arise in my personal journey, my marriage, and vocationally. Over the past few years I have stepped out trying to start a gap year discipleship program, this blog, and small groups in my community, without much worldly success. In the failed attempts there have been so many feelings. One being the fear of invisibility. Does my existence matter? Is their any beauty in me that the world needs? Or in my marriage I now have words that help both of us understand why I sometimes respond the way I do. He never means to, but sometimes my husband’s actions or lack there of can make me feel invisible. There is so much power in naming!
Larry helped me see and the Lord is helping me believe that I worship, as Hagar calls Him, the God who Sees. (Go back and unpack this story, Gen. 16- so good!!) This is the antidote to the fear of invisibility. Lord, you see me and smile every time. You are delighted to write your name on me (Rev. 3). When I can see myself as His Beloved, seen, known and cherished, no person, experience, or fear can rock me. They don’t have that power. I will spend the rest of my life taking steps deeper and deeper into this reality, the true reality of who I am and how God sees me. These are the dance steps we learn here on this earth that are preparing us to join in the divine dance of the Trinity.
Thank you Larry so much for this vision of a Trinitarian dance. A vision of a Larger Story being told and how I am invited in. It is a vision and hope big enough to keep me going. I long to spend the rest of my life learning the dance steps and extending the invitation to those the Lord brings in my path.
The Road We Are On 