I learned about these 4 questions in marriage counseling and they have changed the way we relate and pursue one another. But they aren’t simply to be applied to marriage. They can be used in any relationship you are seeking to know the other person at a deeper level. I have even used them in my relationship with the Lord. I would caution their use in a dating relationship as it may lead the relationship down a quicker path than you are ready for.
The rules are you must be facing one another and making eye contact as you answer each question. This is important so you can fully observe how the information is being delivered and you can see how you are being received. This posture keeps you both accountable as you share. The questions can be answered in any order.
The 4 Questions are as follows:
1. What do you want? One thing. Not a laundry list.
2. What do you need? One chief need.
3. What do you feel? Look for a emotion that most resonates with where you are. Ex: anger, sadness, hurt, lonely, glad, shame, guilt
4. What do you fear? We all have fears. What do you think might be your chief fear behind all the others.
I give a more detailed explanation of each question and how you can use them in your relationship with the Lord in this Post.
These are not easy questions to answer and can be hard to truthfully answer in front of someone you love. I can’t encourage you enough to do the hard work. I have wrestled to find the answers and often journey through a lot of anger and insecurity along the way. My husband and I try it sit down and ‘share our 4’ twice a week. You will find your rhythm of using them.
What practices or tools have you used to connect honestly and deeply with people in your life?
The Road We Are On 
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