Adam and Eve hid behind fig leaves in the Garden to cover their nakedness (Gen. 3). I know this ‘nakedness’ as vulnerability or shame. I want to hide behind fig leaves right now. I am heading into the fall semester where I pitched a discipleship gap year program (for those finishing college before entering the workforce) and had no takers. I dropped the fig leaves this past spring. I stood bold and confident in what the Lord is doing in me, I risked, and made countless phone calls and emails. I could give you the logical reasons why I don’t think anything came of my program this fall but that would be me sewing my fig leaves together for you so you will view me as valuable.
The truth is, it is a moment by moment decision to drop the fig leaves and stand tall clothed in Christ. In the past few months I experienced so much rejection in such a short amount of time. It was so few returned phone calls and emails. I even got face to face rejection. It was one of the hardest and best experiences of my life. I could again use logic and justify how busy people are and that it wasn’t personal. But that really doesn’t help me drop the fig leaves.
The Lord was so kind and gracious. Do you know what He started doing for me? He started helping me differentiate my inherent worth separate from what I do, what I produce. My value isn’t even tied to how much glory I bring Him in this life. This isn’t rocket science but it is as revolutionary for me. When the truth of my identity is solely tied to the deep love of God and His plans for me, I am untouchable. Another way of saying it is when I am living for the blessing of God’s Presence I am no longer being thrown around by the waves of life. I can get off the roller coaster and enjoy the safety and steadiness of His Presence.
These moments, I wish it was the state from which I lived my life, are the times where I drop the fig leaves. As I get closer to this fall, when I have no idea what I am doing with my life or where it is going I want to grab those leaves so fast and hide. I want to hide my failures. I want to hide my lack of direction for what I am doing in my life. I want to hide the fact that I am disappointed the Lord didn’t pull the gap year program together. I want to hide from the fact that if all I do is raise my kids, support my husband, do my side hustles, and help out at the local school I will feel like a failure. What if that is all I am created for… fig leaves up!!
Can you resonate with any of this? It is a constant battle to ground myself in the Lord and live not for His blessings but for His presence. I get it wrong often and I think there will be some dark days ahead where I don’t feel like He is doing anything in my life. But I am so thankful that today, He has at least made me aware that He is enough and therefore I am enough. I am going to screen shot this post and let it be my memorial stone for the days to come where I feel overwhelmed like I am walking aimlessly in the desert.
I hope and pray you can sit with Him and let Him reveal truth to you and you can make it a memorial stone for the unknown days to come.
The Road We Are On 